The Girl Who Should Have Called Racist

So I'm at Value Village thrift store one day with my son, this was sometime in the Fall, and we're browsing the paperbacks after picking up a few onesies for him. He's sleeping peacefully in his carseat which is sitting in my shopping cart when this older gentleman comes up and looks at my son and smiles. Now I LOVE IT when people smile at my baby. You could be the grumpiest person in the world, but if you smile at my baby, I love you and you become dear to my heart instantly.
So he smiles at my sleeping son and says to me that his son is now 32 years old and having kids of his own. He says how much he misses when his son was a baby but how he's grateful for his grandchildren. We talk the small talk about how "fast time passes" when they're this little and how I "should be grateful" for these days, even the hard ones because "they disappear."

Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to sound sarcastic because I love this conversation topic. It's good for me to hear at least once a week so I am reminded to cherish these days. Because at times I do forget how fast he is growing and a friendly reminder from an older person to snuggle him as much as possible is a red flag to slow down and enjoy.

So we're having this conversation I have with at least one person at least once per week, when he asks me how many children I want to have.
Kinda forward.
But whatever, I'm a pretty open person.

So I say, "At least two, maybe three kids"

He responds, "Good. You don't want to have too many kids. I just had two children and I was able to raise them well."

"It can be harder, that's true, to make ends meet when you have a big family," I say, starting to turn my cart to head to the checkout line. But my son is still sleeping peacefully, so I'm in no hurry.

He continues, "I worked all the time when my children were small. I never took a day off until my kids were finished with college. I was a cook in my own restaurant and I was there all the time, working so I could provide for my children. Now my son is a doctor and my daughter is a lawyer. I paid for all of their college as well. I worked hard."

"Wow," I respond. I'm loving this. If Value Village had benches, at this point in our conversation I would happily sit so I could hear more of his life story. He mentioned briefly that as an immigrant, he had a rough life trying to make money to support his family. But he worked hard so his children could have a better life than he did.

Then his story turned when he said, "Like Jews. They have one or two kids and they support their kids to become doctors or lawyers. Better people than they were. They work hard and support their kids. You should be like them. One or two kids is best. Like the Jews."

I respond somewhat awkwardly, "Well, there are some Jewish people who have more than one or two kids. I think it might be inaccurate to group all Jews together and say their all the same in their work ethic," but he cuts me off with this shocker:

"Just don't be like black people."

Wait, whaaaaaa?

He continues in my shocked silence, "Black people have too many kids and they can't hold down a job and their irresponsible and loud and our taxpayer dollars are paying...."

He goes on like this for a while, adding anecdotes of black boys who worked in his restaurant and families that live in his apartment complext,pausing only to add "but I'm not racist" to his rant.

I stutter in response, "No, sir, You're grouping all black people together to claim that they're all the same. And the same in extremely negative ways. This is exactly what racism is."

He doesn't agree with me and I'm not making a good argument, so he walks away. My baby starts stirring in the still shopping cart, so I start moving the other direction as well.

But I really regret that choice. Leaving.

My son would have been fine to fuss for a bit while I spoke longer with this man. I should have taken the time to discuss how he developed these ideas about ALL black people. I should have taken the time to question his hatred. I should have taken the time to call him out as a racist so that he could see the error of his ways and maybe correct them. Because what if he keeps thinking these things. These hateful racist thoughts can turn into to hateful racist actions.

Just this week a video was posted online of a college fraternity in Oklahoma singing about lynching n*ggers who want to join their frat. The cell phone video went viral, prompting the closing of this fraternity chapter and a great upheaval in the University's discipline policy.

My question, though, is why didn't the person behind the camera call those boys out for their racist hate speech? Yes, they posted the video online, that's true, but wouldn't an added word of rebuke have maybe made these boys question themselves?
Why don't we step up when our uncle uses the N word at Thanksgiving? Why don't we talk to the person who grumbles about how all these Mexicans are taking our jobs and should learn English? If we're not willing to TALK about racism, to call people out for being racist, then places like Ferguson will continue to blow up like they are.

Call people out. Who cares if they get frustrated with you. If they take one minute to think about their words and consider any racist tendencies they might have, then GOOD. But if we don't say anything, they won't. They'll continue thinking their thoughts and words are ok, aren't racist, are based on experience and therefore true for an entire group of people. These thoughts are dangerous. We must respond with the seriousness they require.